"Neediness" Is Not a Bad Word

I recently sat in on a phone conference called “Heart of Money” with @MarkHeartofBiz and @jonathanmead, and one segment that really grabbed my attention was Mark’s approach to neediness.

“We are all needy. We can not survive without air, or without rain, or without food provided by other people,” says Mark. “Don’t ignore your loneliness (neediness) so quickly.”

His suggestion was to take a few minutes to yourself to admit and notice all the things you need, all the people and systems you rely on, and to stand in the discomfort of that knowledge.

These few lines really got to me as do-it-yourself has been my approach to most things through out my life. I have a hard time accepting help, or asking for assistance, or even knowing my own boundaries (i.e. biting off more than I can chew). I hate feeling unproductive, or under-productive. I often experience a great amount of anxiety over failure or letting people down.

Stand in the discomfort.

That line got me. I could resonate with it, right away. I’ve been dabbling in some zen techniques lately to help handle overwhelm, so this advice intersected with those. It was the concept of discomfort in the face of neediness that was new to me. Taking the time, dedicated, quite, peaceful time, to allow yourself to be uncomfortable with how little you can do for yourself, is not only humbling, but absolutely uplifting.

Think about it. When was the last time you said thank you, shook a friend’s hand, or hugged your mom in thanks for something they did for you? It felt good, didn’t it? What about the last time you paid to get your car winched out of a ditch, or tipped for great service at a restaurant? All of these examples are instances of giving, and you gave because you were thankful, and you were thankful because these people helped you. Because without them, this or that or the other thing would not have been possible. You were humbled and it felt great.

You can read more about Mark’s business Heart of Business on his website, which has several free resources, as well as some advanced, paid services. On a side note, I don’t make any money by suggesting or linking to things from this blog. I do however, have no problem recommending services, products, and people that work hard to deliver a powerful message.

Introducing: The Big Ear Music Blog

Yesterday I started to blog about music. Right now I'm calling it Big Ear Music Blog. I picked the name off the top of my head, right when it surfaced, without another thought to putting more effort into it than that (I'm open to name suggestions).

In the past I have often jotted down my thoughts, or had lengthy discussions with friends about albums newly released, and newly discovered - about music videos, concerts, and social media events. I have considered blogging about my thoughts on music countless times before, and yesterday, I that idea finally came to fruition.

It'll be a little side project thing for now, until I understand better what its real purpose is. I decided to put it up after watching a LiveStream acoustic show and fan chat with probably my all time favorite musician, Dustin Kensrue of Thrice.

My goal with it for now is to focus on delivering good content and stay away from marketing it a ton and getting too involved in graphic design. Those are things I've focused on too much in the past, and they've hindered my ability to deliver meaningful content on a consistant basis; this will be a new kind of challenge.

I also want to involve other people in publishing content on the blog. I know several folks that have things to say about music and the industry surrounding it.

If you are interested in writing about music, and would like to contribute to The Big Ear Music Blog, please contact me, lets make this project into something really cool - all thoughts are worth something.

I'm taking a lesson from Judy Carter Grundstrom with this new project and saying who cares, just start it. The rest will fall into place, and if it dosen't, so be it. The web is more like a river than a pond.

Cheers to New Beginnings

Yesterday morning, I quit my job. I quite my first, cushy, 9-5, salary w/benefits job.

I graduated in December 2010 and had a hell of a time finding work. I ended up taking a contract job at an advertisement agency in downtown Minneapolis after 2 months of exchanging emails with them. The pay was terrible. I lived for 9 months on it, at the poverty line, often working 50 - 60 hour work weeks - and I learned a lot.

I also made some amazing friendships along the way, but that’s another post entirely.

After I had worn myself thin at that gig, I looked for something soft, well-paying, and safe. I ended up at a large 1,500 employee, international company in the suburbs. The pay was generous, the benefits very good, and the workload, well, pathetic in comparison. But I hated it.

Yesterday, I sat my manager down, told him this place can't fulfill my calling, took five of my remaining 10 work days as Paid-Time-Off, and tendered my resignation.

*Update - HR wouldn’t give me the PTO days, so at the end of the day, I called it quits. My manager called me weird.

The best part though, my favorite moment, was when he asked where I was going.

"Who's steeling ya away from us?," he asked.

"Nobody," is what I came back with, along with a sideways glance and a wry smile. Then I launched into my big plans to become a writer, start my own business, and do meaningful work. This is the moment I'd been planning for. The voice screaming inside me for the past several weeks that I could no longer cover up finally spoke out, and I’ve never been more confident.

It was awesome.

Is it worth the risk to leave a steady, easy, lucrative career in email marketing to struggle, push, and fight, for a career as a writer and producer with no previous credentials or industry experience?

Absolutely.

Am I sure to collect scars and suffer plenty of failure?

Yes. But damnit I will be alive every day from now on. All I can do is keep pushing forward with this. The chips are down, I’ve shown my hand.

Who can say for sure where I’ll end up at the end of the year. I have goals set for myself, and this journal is here to keep me on track.

All I can do is keep taking risks and practice a wry smile for the ones that work out.

I know I’m not alone out here. I know that others feel the same way about their jobs, yet day in and day out you show up, keep your head down, and survive for the weekend. My question to you is:  What are you waiting for?

Earning Some Life

my brother @jeddis and me after 5 miles - 0:38:57

I aim to run 10 miles each week. I spread those miles out over 6 days of various workouts, and commit to different intensity and distance for each running session. I am always looking to keep the workout or run fresh somehow, though I'll be the first to admit getting stuck in a rut sometimes.

For example, today I ran just over 5 miles with my brother, Jed. We got the opportunity to run outside for once (the weather has been unpredictible in MN this year). It was the first time we ran the trails around Edina, and it brought a lot of life to my attention.

I felt my lungs expand, and my hamstrings strained up the hills. I felt nimble going across cracks, potholes, and ice on the paved trail. I felt the beating in my chest more acutely when I looked up at the setting sun. I felt alive.

Feeling alive, immediate, strong, at peace, complete with the world around you is an immense accomplishment when you think about it. All too often we look for something or someone to hand us that feeling. We want to feel calm, collected, centered, and content at almost all times.

My question to you is:

Why do we never suppose we have to earn life?

The Highway Home Oblivion

I live in Minneapolis, MN but I hail from The Northwoods i.e. north-central Wisconsin. Between where I make my living and where I grew up is a roadway that pipes me back home for holidays and reprieves from the noisy, stressful metro. The 210 mile, four hour trip (minus Kwick Trip stops) is the journey for me, and no matter the circumstances of the present, it's always a venture into the past.

I drive through the town where my sister attended college. I drive through the town where I attended college. I drive through the town where for many years I thought I would attend college. I drive past my high school make-out spot. I drive past a field we used to play paintball on. I drive past countless rivers, lakes, and streams that I've canoed, fished, or trapped. In short, I drive past a lot of memories.

A journey like this serves to remind not only what I'm working for but why. For me this drive is a journey. The highway is limbo. It is a space between the weight of my past and the unknown in my future. It is simple solitude, and it affords me freedom from the burden of focus. 

I get to forget everything as I remember it all. It is an oblivion.

As much as the trip passes over me like waves, like it is happening to me, it is also an act. Driving a '95 Buick LeSabre with blown out shocks and struts takes some amount of attention, but that's not what I'm referring to. What I'm talking about is affirming the activity of the trip; driving is an experience similar to a performance.

I like to hit shuffle and crank the stereo. I like to roll the windows down and hang my arm around the driver's side door. I like to push the speed limit signs as far as they'll bend without breaking (or as far as that big, burgundy relic of a car will permit before it starts shaking [approx. 60mph]). I like to feel that I am still alive, still growing, still remembering where I come from for those four hours.

The point is to embrace the present, acknowledge the past, and hope for the future. Although there are others, the highway home is one of my favorite spaces that allows me to do this.

What about you? What space allows you to actively create harmony in your life? What is oblivion for you?